And there's more.....

Feeling like a terrible mother as the eldest took it upon herself to dust my bedroom shelves and lampshade. She doesn't ever tidy her room or care what she looks like but apparently my housework isn't up to scratch!  
Thursday is renamed chemo day in out house. The kids know they have to be good  and go to bed without a fuss, as, once my meds kick in I can't move from the loo for a while.  Hey ho. As we keep saying, a day of sickness is worth it, I'm still alive.

...and... Breathe....

Phew! Been back to hospital today and scans show that the chemo is working. Such a relief. We trudged up the hill to school today and skipped back down tonight. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.  It means I can start planning ahead. I've been afraid to book tickets, holidays etc but now I'm seizing life by the horns!   The kids are still pretty oblivious to it all, which is for the best. Small one made me smile despite everything this morning. ' daddy, have a go of mammy's boobies, they are really wobbly, look!' You have to laugh even when you feel sad.

If not a teacher......

Hi all, I'm struggling at the minute with the whole early retirement thing. I've filled in the forms for ill health and now I'm wondering what life holds. For 18 years I have been proud to say 'I'm a teacher' if anyone asked. Now what can I say?  I feel like I've lost my place in life.   There's lots of wondering going on at the moment. My head is buzzing.
On a lighter note, big child is in the bad books for misplacing her new iPod. ( we have it, but it's a life
Lesson on looking after your things.) small child has told her 'you're sackless' oops, must stop using that word. And that she will be a laughing sock at school. I love the idea of a laughing sock.
Off for chemo again today. More laughs to follow..

Weekend shenanigans

Hi all,   Had a fun weekend in Eyemouth with my brother in law, his wife and son. Kids have had a great time. The water there is so clear, it's like being abroad. Caitlin, my eldest was shinning across rock pools and over huge boulders,while my sister in law stood back, panicking. My kids are fearless and pretend to be mountain goats as they jump from rock to rock. We have done nothing but eat for the entire weekend, fresh bread, fish and chips, ice cream. A proper seaside weekend.
Back down to earth with a bump now. P back at work, I'm off to work to fill in a retirement through ill health form. I'm scared. 17 years of being a teacher. If I'm not a teacher, what am I? Who am I?

Chemo day (again)

So, another Thursday, another round of chemo. This week with the added bonus of Herceptin IV. They kept a close eye on me this time as last time I hid in the loo so they couldn't see me having a reaction to the drugs. They caught me shivering into my pillow though and I was booted up to a ward for an overnight stay! Anyhow this time they gave me steroids and piriton so I didn't have a reaction, but I did fall asleep and wake myself with a loud snore. How to look good on a chemo ward. My lovely friend Eileen brought chocolate dipped strawberries to keep me going. I was a bit like a child with an injection, every needle and a strawberry was popped in my mouth like a lollipop. 
Dates have been set for my ct scan and results. Scary scary stuff. Nearly time to see if all theses horrid tablets and drips are doing any good. 

Hello there

Well, if you have read the profile and are still reading this then, Welcome.   This is my first try at blogging. I am not going through a whole history of my recent life, the last 3 years have been hard and what lies ahead is probably going to be even harder but as the title of the blog suggests, there's no point in crying about it. It's not fair but whoever cancer happens to, it's not fair. There will be sad stuff on here, and angry, but mostly just everyday life. My 2 lovely girls, my wonderful husband and a huge support network ensure I am never down for long.
Tomorrow I am off for my 4th round of oral chemo and my 2nd round of Herceptin.. last time was .. interesting! more later.